Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
