dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
