Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
