Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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