Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize