Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
