My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
