To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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