She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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