So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
