Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
