I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
