so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
