I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
