And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
