I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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