I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
