shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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