Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
