Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
