with your own penis?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
