I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
