Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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