we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
