she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
