needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
