I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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