I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
