there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
