She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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