It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
