I want to have your abortion
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We're hate flirting, damnit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
