she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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