So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
