Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
