and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Are we in a gay sports bar?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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