cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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