right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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