I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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