I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
