here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
