so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
