You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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