last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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