wat bout pragnant strippers??
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
