I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
