Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
