Me. At least after what I've been through.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So vagazzling was a success
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
