She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
