In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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