The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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