can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
