You can't special order awesome
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
