I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
