I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
