by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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