God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
