If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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