I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
