Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
