he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
