I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
