Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
