you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
