I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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