HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
