Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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