I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
