"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize