I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
