ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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