Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize