We named our party play list daddy issues
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
