White coat. Heels.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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