yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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