Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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