This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The air was thick with penises
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
