I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
